Over the holidays I attended my first ten day silent meditation retreat, also known as Vipassana.  Going in I was excited for the silence but concerned by the fact that I was going to be forced to fast intermittently and not allowed to exercise.   We woke at 4am and went to bed at 9:30pm keeping a very rigorous meditation schedule. No reading, writing, surrounded by 300 people I wasn't supposed to look at.  We were taking a journey alone together.  We sat with our mind, breath and sensation for eight hours a day. The suffering was purposeful and palpable.  Not connecting with others was the hardest part for me.  Out of habit I'd look up into faces as they entered the room and following the rules they would quickly look away.  I became desperate for the hint of a smile, or a validating glance saying, Yes, this is crazy difficult and I am also suffering.  I tried my best to follow the rules with strong determination. I survived the fasting and endless sitting schedule but I couldn’t stop noticing the interesting and beautiful people around me.  And I did come upon those who would let their gaze linger, I even got snuck a couple smiles.  So I know I cheated a little but I will try again. 

For now I am reminded of a story from the Talmud.  A Rabbi asks his students, “How do you know the first moment of dawn has arrived?”  After great silence, one pipes up, “When you can tell the difference between a sheep and a dog.”  The Rabbi shakes his head no.  Another offers, “When you can tell the difference between a fig tree and an olive tree.”  Again, the Rabbi shakes his head no.  There are no other answers.  The Rabbi circles their silence and walks between them, “You know the first moment of dawn has arrived when you look into the eyes of another human being and see yourself.”

Another favorite quote, I don't remember where this one is from.

Look into the eyes of another and see through the eyes with which God sees you